WHAT TO DO WHEN YOUR WIFE WANTS YOU TO DO CHORES
LOOK VERY CLOSELY!!
You just never know what a day is going to bring, and while you can't sit
around fretting about what-ifs, it would be nice if you could be prepared
in some...
10 years ago
Showing posts with label FUNNIES. Show all posts
Showing posts with label FUNNIES. Show all posts
May 04, 2008
January 17, 2008
What is English? can you speak it?
Can you read these right the first time?
These are for my 'word' friends
01) The bandage was wound around the wound.
02) The farm was used to produce produce.
03) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
04) We must polish the Polish furniture.
05) He could lead if he would get the lead out.
06) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in thedesert.
07) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.
08) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
09) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
10) I did not object to the object.
11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
13) They were too close to the door to close it.
14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.
15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
18) Upon seeing the tear in the painting, I shed a tear.
19) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
20) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
These are for my 'word' friends
01) The bandage was wound around the wound.
02) The farm was used to produce produce.
03) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
04) We must polish the Polish furniture.
05) He could lead if he would get the lead out.
06) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in thedesert.
07) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.
08) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
09) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
10) I did not object to the object.
11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
13) They were too close to the door to close it.
14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.
15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.
16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.
17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.
18) Upon seeing the tear in the painting, I shed a tear.
19) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
20) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
January 06, 2008
My Lost Phone
I seriously have done this talking to my sister one day not to many years ago... Man was I embarrassed...
I've got to laugh at myself once in a while~
Liz
Lost Phone
My girlfriend called me as she was driving to an
appointment. She arrived, and I could tell from her voice
that she was getting frustrated. Finally she said, "I know I
had my cell phone with me. And now I can't find it!"
I replied, "Aren't you talking on it!?"
There was a solid period of stunned silence as the reality
of the situation sank in - followed by, "You are NOT going
to tell anybody about this!"
I've got to laugh at myself once in a while~
Liz
Lost Phone
My girlfriend called me as she was driving to an
appointment. She arrived, and I could tell from her voice
that she was getting frustrated. Finally she said, "I know I
had my cell phone with me. And now I can't find it!"
I replied, "Aren't you talking on it!?"
There was a solid period of stunned silence as the reality
of the situation sank in - followed by, "You are NOT going
to tell anybody about this!"
December 15, 2007
WHO STARTED CHRISTMAS ANY HOW?
WHO STARTED CHRISTMAS?
This morning I heard a story on the radio of a woman who was out Christmas
shopping with her two children. After many hours of looking at row after row
of toys and everything else imaginable. And after hours of hearing both her
children asking for everything they saw on those many shelves, she finally
made it to the elevator with her two kids.
She was feeling what so many of us feel during the holiday season time of
the year. Overwhelming pressure to go to every party, every housewarming,
taste all the holiday food and treats, getting that perfect gift for every
single person on our shopping list, making sure we don't forget anyone on
our card list, and the pressure of making sure we respond to everyone who
sent us a card.
Finally the elevator doors opened and there was already a crowd in the car.
She pushed her way into the car and dragged her two kids in with her and all
the bags of stuff. When the doors closed she couldn't take it anymore and
stated, "Whoever started this whole Christmas thing should be found, strung
up and shot."
From the back of the car everyone heard a quiet calm voice respond, "Don't
worry we already crucified him." For the rest of the trip down the elevator
it was so quiet you could have heard a pin drop.
Don't forget this year to keep the One who started this whole Christmas
thing in your every thought, deed, purchase, and word. If we all did it,
just think of how different this whole world would be.
-- Author Unknown
This morning I heard a story on the radio of a woman who was out Christmas
shopping with her two children. After many hours of looking at row after row
of toys and everything else imaginable. And after hours of hearing both her
children asking for everything they saw on those many shelves, she finally
made it to the elevator with her two kids.
She was feeling what so many of us feel during the holiday season time of
the year. Overwhelming pressure to go to every party, every housewarming,
taste all the holiday food and treats, getting that perfect gift for every
single person on our shopping list, making sure we don't forget anyone on
our card list, and the pressure of making sure we respond to everyone who
sent us a card.
Finally the elevator doors opened and there was already a crowd in the car.
She pushed her way into the car and dragged her two kids in with her and all
the bags of stuff. When the doors closed she couldn't take it anymore and
stated, "Whoever started this whole Christmas thing should be found, strung
up and shot."
From the back of the car everyone heard a quiet calm voice respond, "Don't
worry we already crucified him." For the rest of the trip down the elevator
it was so quiet you could have heard a pin drop.
Don't forget this year to keep the One who started this whole Christmas
thing in your every thought, deed, purchase, and word. If we all did it,
just think of how different this whole world would be.
-- Author Unknown
December 06, 2007
How to say Merry Christmas and Happy New Year in 40 Languages
JUST IN CASE YOU NEED THEM......
"MERRY CHRISTMAS & HAPPY NEW YEAR" IN 40 LANGUAGES
Apache (Western) - Gozhqq Keshmish
Arabic - I'D Miilad Said ous Sana Saida
Croatian - Sretan Bozic
Danish - Glædelig Jul og godt nytår
Farsi - Sal-e no mubarak
French - Joyeux Noël et Bonne Année!
German - Fröhliche Weihnachten und ein glückliches Neues Jahr!
Greek - Kala Christougenna Ki'eftihismenos O Kenourios Chronos
Hawaiian - Mele Kalikimaka & Hauoli Makahiki Hou
Hebrew - Mo'adim Lesimkha. Shanah Tova
Hindi - Shubh Naya Baras
Iraqi - Idah Saidan Wa Sanah Jadidah
Irish - Nollaig Shona Dhuit
Iroquois - Ojenyunyat Sungwiyadeson homungradon nagwutut & Ojenyunyat osrasay
Italian - Buon Natale e Felice Anno Nuovo
Japanese - Shinnen omedeto. Kurisumasu Omedeto
Korean - Sung Tan Chuk Ha
Kyrghyz - JangI jIlIngIz guttuu bolsun!
Latin - Pax hominibus bonae voluntatis
Maori - Kia orana e kia manuia rava i teia Kiritimeti e te Mataiti Ou
Mongolian - Zul saryn bolon shine ony mend devshuulye
Nepali - krist Yesu Ko Shuva Janma Utsav Ko Upalaxhma Hardik Shuva & Naya Barsa
Ko harkik Shuvakamana
Norweigan/Nynorsk - Eg ynskjer hermed Dykk alle ein God Jul og Godt Nyttår
Polish - Wesolych Swiat i Szczesliwego Nowego Roku.
Portuguese - Boas Festas e um feliz Ano Novo
Romanian - Craciun fericit si un An Nou fericit!
Russian - Pozdrevlyayu s prazdnikom Rozhdestva i s Novim Godom
Samoan - Ia manuia le Kilisimasi ma le tausaga fou
Somali - ciid wanaagsan iyo sanad cusub oo fiican.
Spanish - Feliz Navidad y Próspero Año Nuevo
Sudanese - Wilujeng Natal Sareng Warsa Enggal
Swedish - God Jul och Gott Nytt År
Tagalog - Maligayang Pasko at Manigong Bagong Taon
Tahitian - Ia ora i te Noere e ia ora na i te matahiti 'api
Thai - Suksan Wan Christmas lae Sawadee Pee Mai
Ukrainian - Veseloho Vam Rizdva i Shchastlyvoho Novoho Roku!
Vietnamese - Chuc Mung Giang Sinh - Chuc Mung Tan Nien
Zulu - Sinifesela Ukhisimusi Omuhle Nonyaka Omusha Onempumelelo
See the full list of 350+ languages:
http://snipurl.com/350languages
"MERRY CHRISTMAS & HAPPY NEW YEAR" IN 40 LANGUAGES
Apache (Western) - Gozhqq Keshmish
Arabic - I'D Miilad Said ous Sana Saida
Croatian - Sretan Bozic
Danish - Glædelig Jul og godt nytår
Farsi - Sal-e no mubarak
French - Joyeux Noël et Bonne Année!
German - Fröhliche Weihnachten und ein glückliches Neues Jahr!
Greek - Kala Christougenna Ki'eftihismenos O Kenourios Chronos
Hawaiian - Mele Kalikimaka & Hauoli Makahiki Hou
Hebrew - Mo'adim Lesimkha. Shanah Tova
Hindi - Shubh Naya Baras
Iraqi - Idah Saidan Wa Sanah Jadidah
Irish - Nollaig Shona Dhuit
Iroquois - Ojenyunyat Sungwiyadeson homungradon nagwutut & Ojenyunyat osrasay
Italian - Buon Natale e Felice Anno Nuovo
Japanese - Shinnen omedeto. Kurisumasu Omedeto
Korean - Sung Tan Chuk Ha
Kyrghyz - JangI jIlIngIz guttuu bolsun!
Latin - Pax hominibus bonae voluntatis
Maori - Kia orana e kia manuia rava i teia Kiritimeti e te Mataiti Ou
Mongolian - Zul saryn bolon shine ony mend devshuulye
Nepali - krist Yesu Ko Shuva Janma Utsav Ko Upalaxhma Hardik Shuva & Naya Barsa
Ko harkik Shuvakamana
Norweigan/Nynorsk - Eg ynskjer hermed Dykk alle ein God Jul og Godt Nyttår
Polish - Wesolych Swiat i Szczesliwego Nowego Roku.
Portuguese - Boas Festas e um feliz Ano Novo
Romanian - Craciun fericit si un An Nou fericit!
Russian - Pozdrevlyayu s prazdnikom Rozhdestva i s Novim Godom
Samoan - Ia manuia le Kilisimasi ma le tausaga fou
Somali - ciid wanaagsan iyo sanad cusub oo fiican.
Spanish - Feliz Navidad y Próspero Año Nuevo
Sudanese - Wilujeng Natal Sareng Warsa Enggal
Swedish - God Jul och Gott Nytt År
Tagalog - Maligayang Pasko at Manigong Bagong Taon
Tahitian - Ia ora i te Noere e ia ora na i te matahiti 'api
Thai - Suksan Wan Christmas lae Sawadee Pee Mai
Ukrainian - Veseloho Vam Rizdva i Shchastlyvoho Novoho Roku!
Vietnamese - Chuc Mung Giang Sinh - Chuc Mung Tan Nien
Zulu - Sinifesela Ukhisimusi Omuhle Nonyaka Omusha Onempumelelo
See the full list of 350+ languages:
http://snipurl.com/350languagesSeptember 27, 2007
BOYS WILL BE BOYS.. BUT IT HURTS
Hey Friends,
Just wanted you to see these pictures.. and no they are not Josh. The messy boy, I would have a fit and then go after the 'other children' who were suppose to be watching him... the other one is a 'bless his heart' one!!
WHAT WOULD YOU DO??
MOM TO 4 BOYS
August 04, 2007
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