A parent job description

POSITION:
Mom, Mommy, Mama, Ma
Dad, Daddy, Dada, Papa, Pa, Pop

JOB DESCRIPTION:

Long term, team players needed, for challenging
permanent work in an, often chaotic environment.
Candidates must possess excellent communication and
organizational skills and be willing to work variable
hours, which will include evenings and weekends
and frequent 24 hour shifts on call. Some overnight
travel required, including trips to
primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless
sports tournaments in far away cities!
Travel expenses not reimbursed. Extensive courier
duties also required.

RESPONSIBILITIES

The rest of your life.
Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily,
until someone needs $5.
Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly.
Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack
mule
and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three
seconds flat
in case, this time , the screams from
the backyard are not someone just crying wolf.
Must be willing to face stimulating technical
challenges,
such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish
toilets
and stuck zippers.
Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and
coordinate production of multiple homework projects.

Must have ability to plan and organize social
gatherings
for clients of all ages and mental outlooks.
Must be willing to be indispensable one minute,
an embarrassment the next.
Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a

half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery
operated devices.
Must always hope for the best but be prepared for
the worst.
Must assume final, complete accountability for
the quality of the end product.
Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and
janitorial work throughout the facility.

POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION

None.
Your job is to remain in the same position for years,
without complaining, constantly retraining and
updating your skills, so that those in your charge can
ultimately surpass you

PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE
None required unfortunately.
On-the-job training offered on a continually
exhausting basis.

WAGES AND COMPENSATION
Get this! You pay them!
Offering frequent raises and bonuses.
A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because
of the assumption that college will help them
become financially independent.
When you die, you give them whatever is left.
The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is
that
you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do
more.

BENEFITS
While no health or dental insurance, no pension,
no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and
no stock options are offered;
this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal
growth, unconditional love,
an d free hugs and kisses for life if you play your
cards right.


** AND A FOOTNOTE "THERE IS NO RETIREMENT - EVER!!! **